i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
