i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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