I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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