This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
