We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
