just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
