Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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