giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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