Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
