Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
