Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
