If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i used baking grease as lip gloss
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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