I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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