is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
