Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
