My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
don't judge my taste in strippers
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
