I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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