fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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