Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
