her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
