No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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