Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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