Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
