I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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