remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
