just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
