Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It's rum buckets o'clock
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
