she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
