i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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