There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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