he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
