how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
