don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
