Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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