I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
