Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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