it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
