he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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