mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
