did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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