Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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