we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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