I wanna bring you to show and tell
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
