Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
