if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
