Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
