It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
