i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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