ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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