I love having hate sex.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
