so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
